Your ex is always thinking about something. Whether it’s about new hobbies, interests, or people your ex met after the breakup, your ex’s thoughts are always active. They pop into and out of your ex’s mind and vary depending on the emotions he or she feels. If your ex is busy talking to new people, your ex feels excited and empowered and thinks about the present moment.
Your ex doesn’t think much about you and the mistakes he or she has made before, during, and after the breakup.
But if your ex doesn’t have much going on in his or her life and feels bored or curious about you, then your ex likely remembers the relationship from time to time and thinks about you. It may not be as often and as obsessively as you think about your ex, but your ex does occasionally wonder how you’re doing and what you’re up to.
What your ex thinks during no contact depends on how long ago the breakup happened or rather, whether your ex has processed the breakup.
An ex who left a relationship months ago doesn’t feel and think like an ex who left days ago. This is because he or she has gotten through the early breakup stages already and thinks more rationally. He or she doesn’t feel as relieved as someone who recently mustered the courage to leave.
Hence, it’d be unfair to group all dumpers together and say they all think and feel the same way. Every person, relationship, and breakup is different—and triggers different emotions. Some dumpers cry after the breakup (typically the ones who feel depressed and those who were forced to dump their ex). Such dumpers think about their ex a lot because they’re in pain and wish they didn’t have to do what they did.
Most dumpers, however, feel relieved and happy to be free. They experience an empowering sense of freedom and want nothing to do with their ex. They’re done investing in the relationship that didn’t return the kind of investment they put into it.
All they think about is why they didn’t leave their ex sooner.
That’s why dumpers normally don’t think much about their ex right after the breakup. Usually, they’re busy focusing on themselves and those who make them feel good. They feel empowered by the breakup and feel no desire or need to think about their flaws, mistakes, regrets, and ways to reconcile.
They don’t want to think about such things and don’t want their ex to reason with them. In their mind, the time for reasoning is over. It’s time to self-prioritize and enjoy their life on their terms.
They’d been wanting to do that for a long time. The only reason they didn’t was because they were in a relationship that demanded time, energy, and commitment. Now that they’re free, they don’t have to worry about their ex’s problems, feelings, wants, and dreams. They can worry about theirs and let their ex figure out how to occupy his or her time.
If you want to know what your ex is thinking during no contact, you need to understand that your ex’s thoughts depend on what stage of a breakup your ex is in and what kind of person your ex is. If your ex is an avoidant and/or feels super victimized and happy the relationship is over, your ex is not thinking much about you.
Your ex is likely hanging out with other people, making some new friends, and staying busy. He or she is acting on feelings of relief and living life to the fullest.
The breakup probably makes your ex look like a completely different person. If it does, it’s a sign that your ex is thinking about ways to get the most out of life.
As long as your ex feels relieved and excited to be rid of the relationship, your ex’s main focus will be on short-term gratifications. This includes drinking and partying, dating other people, and doing things that help your ex regain his or her identity and keep him or her happy.
Your ex can be happy by pursuing his or her post-breakup goals and avoid pain by avoiding communication and reminders of the past.
Most dumpers choose to stay away from their ex after the breakup. Those who don’t tend to feel guilty or want something from their ex. Something like emotional or financial support, friendship, advice, or a feeling of safety.
They’re not ready to cut their ex off completely (non-romantically) until they meet someone else and feel safe with that person. Such dumpers don’t know they’re giving their ex tons of false hope and torturing their poor ex. All they know is that they care about their ex as a person and that they want to keep him or her around for convenience.
If your ex is like most dumpers and doesn’t want friendship, your ex probably just wants space and isn’t worrying much about your thoughts and feelings. Currently, your ex is self-prioritizing and getting the most out of the breakup. He or she could worry about your emotional well-being and how you spend your time as a single person later.
This tends to happen months into the breakup when the dumper processes relief and elation and starts feeling guilty, nostalgic, and curious. That’s when the dumper could reach out to test the waters and see if talking feels safe and worth his other time and effort.
In today’s post, we discuss what your ex is thinking during no contact. We describe your ex’s thoughts chronologically from the moment he or she breaks up with you until he or she fully processes things and/or wants you back.
What is my ex thinking during no contact?
When you go no contact with your ex, your ex won’t think much about your reasons for staying away. Like most dumpers, your ex will appreciate the space provided by you and continue to self-prioritize and enjoy life. Your ex will think that life got much better as a result of no contact and stop feeling guilt-tripped, pressured, and annoyed.
It will be a win for your ex as well as a win for you. You’ll both get the space you need to process the breakup in ways you need to.
The first month of the breakup will feel extremely liberating to your ex. Your ex will feel a weight lifted off his or her shoulders and have a lot of spare time. Your ex won’t know what to do with his or her time as a single person, especially if you were together for years. He or she will have to learn to enjoy life without you.
That means your ex could do things he or she previously didn’t do. Your ex could go to places he or she refused to visit, talk to people he or she talked badly of, and add lots of new words to his or her vocabulary. If that happens to your ex, don’t get scared.
Remember that your ex is in the relief stage of a breakup and that your ex feels the need to find joy and purpose outside of the relationship with you.
It’s a natural process relieved dumpers go through. They felt smothered for ages, so they finally feel in control of their thoughts, feelings, and actions. No one is stopping them from enjoying their life and acting on their empowering emotions.
During the initial stage, your ex will think mainly about ways to keep feeling relieved and empowered. He or she will think about you at times, but nostalgia won’t last long due to excitement and the immense need to self-prioritize and enjoy the moment.
When your ex thinks about you, your ex will do so mainly in a negative way. He or she will remember mostly the bad times and use those memories to self-victimize and justify the breakup.
Don’t expect your relieved ex to miss you shortly after starting no contact. Your ex will probably need a few days just to realize that you’ve stopped reaching out and asking him or her for attention, favors, and love. A few days won’t change how your ex feels and thinks about you and the breakup.
It takes more than a few days for an ex to become nostalgic. Those who come back days after breaking up had no intention of breaking up. They just wanted to manipulate the situation to their advantage.
So keep your expectations low and bear in mind that your ex won’t obsess about you as soon as you start no contact. For the first month or so, your ex will feel relieved and eager to spend time with people who don’t bother and suffocate him or her. Your ex will talk to other people and do his or her best to leave the old life behind.
Once your ex has stopped feeling relieved, your ex will feel elated. He or she will still feel relieved, but not as much as before. Your ex will feel immense joy and continue to act out of character.
If your ex is like most dumpers, your ex will make plans with people of his or her preferred gender and get to know them. He or she will be ready and eager to start dating and feeling validated. You could notice your ex posting a lot on social media, adding new people, and even unfollowing, deleting, or blocking you.
Some dumpers are scared of their ex checking up on them and accusing them of being disrespectful, so they think it’s best to block their ex on social media and guarantee a happy/distraction-free post-breakup life. They don’t want their ex or others to think they moved on fast and that they’re enjoying their life while their ex is dealing with post-breakup blues.
Some dumpers also block their ex months into the breakup. They block late because they stop feeling bad for hurting their ex and think enough time has passed for their ex not to get hurt and do anything about their blocking.
Unfortunately, dumpees tend to get hurt by their ex’s blocking and think they won’t get another chance with their ex. They don’t know their ex moved on and stopped caring about their feelings a long time ago.
He or she decided to block late only because it was time to remove the dumper and avoid all reminders of him or her.
If you started no contact months ago, your ex probably processed some negative emotions and thinks more fondly of you. He or she might have moments of nostalgia and occasionally feel tempted to reach out to you. But if your ex convinces himself or herself that talking could give you the wrong idea and won’t create positive results, your ex will immediately stop himself or herself from reaching out and continue keeping his or her distance.
Months after the breakup, your ex could message you and try to befriend you. This depends on your ex’s perception and expectations of you.
If your ex believes in post-breakup friendship and thinks positively of you, your ex will contact you and ask for friendship. If your ex doesn’t want to be friends and thinks negatively of you, your ex will leave you alone.
And if your ex thinks positively of you but doesn’t want to be friends, your ex will breadcrumb you and leave you alone afterward. He or she will reach out from time to get something from you and disappear afterward. What your ex does depends on what your ex needs from you and how your ex thinks of you.
The better his or her opinion of you, the better the chance that your ex will want friendship or romance.
Keep in mind, though, that your ex won’t want you back just because x number of months have passed. Your ex will want you back if he or she gets hurt, feels unfulfilled, and can’t find a replacement for you. That’s when your ex will run back to you and use you as a backup plan.
It could take months or years for that to happen. It’s hard to say when or if it will happen because it depends largely on your ex’s experiences. Typically, dumpers come back months after the breakup when they try to get serious with someone else and fail miserably.
They realize the new person doesn’t compare with their ex and that they need to run back to their ex before their ex moves on and finds someone else.
Having said that, here’s what your ex is thinking during no contact.
Forget what your ex is thinking during no contact
I know you’re looking for hope and are dying to know what your ex is thinking during no contact, but what your ex is thinking doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter whether your ex is thinking about you, missing you, or in need of help. Until your ex wants you back (expresses regret, apologizes, and asks for another chance), his or her thoughts and feelings are irrelevant.
They don’t change the fact that your ex still hasn’t found a good reason to reconnect with you and get back with you. Your ex is still okay without your affection and commitment and isn’t scared that you’ll move on and forget about him or her.
The point of no contact is to stop obsessing about your ex and depending on him or her for self-love and healing. If you spend most of your time analyzing your ex’s thoughts, feelings, and actions, you’ll stay obsessed with your ex for the wrong reasons and need much longer to detach and find happiness without your ex.
You’ll stay convinced your ex is your ideal partner and that you must wait for him or her to come back.
Even though your ex could eventually come back, your self-love will stay dependent on your ex. Your relationship with your ex will be more important than your relationship with yourself. This could make your ex take you for granted (again) and leave you when your ex realizes you’ve been desperately waiting for him or her to love you.
If your ex thinks that you were miserable from the beginning till the end of no contact, your ex will likely consider himself or herself the prize and lose the drive to invest in you. Your ex won’t need to invest when you’re willing to do all the work.
For your ex to redevelop feelings and the relationship to have a fair shot, your ex must see that you’re okay without him or her and that you have the same or more to give to the relationship than you do to take. When your ex sees that, the balance of power and interest will be restored, leaving your ex with no choice but to work hard to maintain the relationship and continue to impress you.
So keep in mind that it’s okay to wonder what your ex is thinking during no contact. All heartbroken dumpees want to know what’s going through their ex’s head and how their ex is feeling. They’re hurt, so they’re hoping to hear from their ex soon to learn if reconciliation is possible.
It’s not okay, however, to spend most of your waking hours researching your ex’s emotional progress. You’ll recover much quicker if you develop the skill to break your obsessive patterns and shift your thoughts toward more productive people and things. People who support and distract you and things that give you direction and purpose.
If the breakup happened recently, it’s okay to learn more about the breakup and what your ex is thinking. You need to think about the breakup and do everything in your power to keep your anxiety under control. But when anxiety becomes manageable and you’re feeling better, it’s time for your priorities to change.
You must take your mind off your ex and find healthier distractions. Knowing what your ex is thinking won’t change the outcome, nor make your problems disappear. It will keep them alive for longer than necessary.
Are you still wondering what your ex is thinking during no contact? What do you think is on his or her mind? Comment below and let us know.
However, if wish to confide in us about your breakup, reach out to us via our coaching page.
My name is Zan, and I’m a writer and a breakup analyst. I write relationship and breakup articles and strive to strike a harmonious balance between empathy and realism. If you appreciate my content, feel free to leave a comment or support me by buying me a ko-fi.
