If your ex left you for someone else, you’ve got to understand that your ex did the worst thing he or she could have ever done. Your ex formed a connection without your awareness (cheated emotionally, physically, or both) and left you when the thought of being in a relationship with the new person made your ex happier than the relationship with you.
That was when your ex stopped caring about you completely and decided to give the new person a try.
The new person wasn’t so much better than you that your ex couldn’t resist dumping you for him or her. The new person was merely new and different. He or she seemed great in your ex’s eyes because your ex didn’t yet know how he or she dealt with problems, stressors, anger, and pain. All your ex knew was that they got along and that they were both open to getting to know each other.
The more they got to know each other, the stronger a connection they formed and the more your ex felt like replacing you with him or her.
We could say that your ex got a huge dose of validation from his or her crush and thought he or she could get more out of life with this person by his or her side. Your ex thought the new person had something you didn’t and that it’d be a waste not to explore it. At first, your ex didn’t intend to leave you. Your ex merely entertained the other person and enjoyed his or her company.
But as they got closer and closer, they crossed the hard-to-see friendship boundary and developed a unique bond. They became inseparable due to the joy and validation they made each other feel.
These feelings became a part of their daily lives until:
- your ex was certain the new person felt as strongly as he or she did
- your relationship encountered issues and looked unattractive compared to the relationship with the new person
When your relationship slowed down, the relationship with the other person gained traction. It became your ex’s main focus and top attraction. It felt so natural that it didn’t make any sense to your ex to continue to invest time, money, and feelings in you. It made more sense to abandon you for someone he or she felt hopeful about but practically knew nothing about.
That was when your ex decided to monkey-branch (leave one relationship for another) and revealed to you what he or she had been thinking, doing, and plotting all this time behind your back. Your ex’s abandonment explained why things have been strange or unfulfilling recently and that your ex was fully responsible for destroying the relationship.
Maybe your ex blamed you for it or perhaps you made many relationship mistakes (we all did), but you didn’t let things get out of control with someone you knew nothing about and threw the relationship away for a new romantic opportunity. You valued the relationship enough to understand relationships have ups and downs and that you mustn’t abandon yours when things get tough and/or when someone new finds you attractive.
Temptations to connect with people are normal. But what’s not normal is to act on those temptations and replace a romantic partner with someone else. If your ex wasn’t happy, your ex could, should, and probably would have left the relationship sooner. Your ex would have told you things weren’t working and that you’d be happier alone or eventually with someone else.
But since your ex left you for someone else, your ex abandoned you only because he or she met someone new and let that person mess with his or her head.
Your ex developed the belief that you weren’t a good partner and that the new person could do a better job than you. This indicates that your ex got the grass is greener syndrome, took you for granted, and left for greener pastures.
Your ex didn’t know that the new person had shortcomings and issues too and that he or she would sooner than later discover them. It wasn’t a matter of if but when. Your ex could keep his or her eyes closed only for so long.
I suppose your ex just didn’t care about that. Your ex laser-focused on the present moment and allowed the new person to validate his or her importance. Your ex revealed that your feelings and time invested in the relationship didn’t matter anymore because your ex had his or her emotional needs met by someone else.
By someone your ex didn’t fully know yet and hadn’t had a chance to experience (relationship) problems with.
So if your ex left you for someone else, bear in mind that your ex formed a new emotional connection behind your back. Due to the new emotional connection, your ex stopped investing in you and imagined a fantasy life he or she could have but won’t experience. The new person basically became the most important person in your ex’s life as he or she made your ex feel the strongest feelings possible.
The strongest feelings included validation, happiness, affection, excitement, comfort, and security.
You probably remember how happy you were and how you felt about your ex when you first started dating. You felt ecstatic and couldn’t stop thinking about your ex and talking to your ex. Everything was new and exciting for you and made you happier than ever.
That’s how your ex felt and continues to feel with the new person. Your ex is in the get-to-know-each-other stage of a new relationship and doesn’t want his or her excitement to wane. He or she wants the new relationship to stay stimulating and empowering.
Your ex forgot that new relationships always start strongly and feel amazing. They make new couples’ worlds stop spinning and allow them to feel elated and grateful. Everything goes great for them as they have no stressors, negative perceptions, or problems to worry about. Things change a few months into the relationship when their love hormones wane and make them see a different reality.
They encounter their first argument or disagreement and realize that their relationship won’t be a cakewalk. Like any relationship, it will require willpower, effort, maturity, and commitment to maintain. If they lack relationship-solving tools and aren’t ready to put the necessary work in, they could break up or end up cheating on each other.
Anything could happen months or years into the relationship. Just don’t convince yourself they’ll live a perfect life forever. Things will be perfect only at the beginning when the relationship is self-maintained.
In this article, we’ll explain what kind of problems your cheating and monkey-branching ex will likely encounter and what you should do now that your ex left you for someone else and appears to skip through life without a care in the world.
I’m scared my ex will get married
Most dumpees are afraid that their monkey-branching ex will settle down, move in together with the new person, get married, have kids, and forget about them. They’re scared their ex will move on and that they’ll miss the chance to be with their ex.
Fear causes them to become doubtful about no contact and makes them feel pressured to do something to reconnect with their ex. It ends up convincing them that time is ticking and that they must act fast if they want their ex to redevelop feelings for them.
What they don’t understand is that they lack the power to positively influence their ex, especially when their ex is infatuated with another person and wants to get even closer to him or her. Such dumpees are often brainwashed by the advice they read on the internet and may even be in denial. They refuse to accept the end of the relationship and think they can still change their ex’s mind.
They think it’s better to try to win their ex back rather than to do nothing and let their ex have the space he or she needs to process the separation and enjoy life. Dumpees hate seeing their ex happy. Their ex’s happiness causes them immense pain and suffering and tempts them to do all kinds of impulsive things.
Some dumpees contemplate taking revenge whereas others become obsessed with karma and want their ex’s new relationship to fail miserably. They check their ex’s social media updates in hopes of seeing their ex struggle to get along with his or her new partner. Unfortunately, obsessed dumpees see exactly the opposite.
Since people usually post only the best parts of their relationship online, they find things they shouldn’t find and get hurt and depressed. They suffer because they get their hopes crushed and lose more hope than they’re capable of losing.
Whether you want to forget about your ex or get your ex back, you must do your best not to check up on your ex. Delete or block your ex if you have to; just don’t check up on your ex when your ex left you for someone else and seems to be having the time of his or her life with the new person. If you stalk your ex, you’ll put salt on the open wounds and suffer severe emotional setbacks.
You’ll make your life revolve around your ex and heal much slower than you would otherwise.
So don’t feed your fears by analyzing your ex’s social media comments and happy pictures. Don’t ask for friends to keep you in the loop about your ex’s “perfect” new life either. Your ex will look and feel elated for a few months after the breakup due to the validation he or she receives from the new person.
Your ex’s branching and happiness don’t mean you weren’t a good person. They especially don’t mean you don’t deserve love and commitment. All they mean is that your ex developed a connection behind your back and left you to explore that bond when he or she was certain the new person could give him or her short-term emotional and sexual benefits.
The thought of your ex being intimate with someone else is soul-crushing – to put it mildly. It feels like your heart is being pulled out of your ribcage, piece by piece—and that you can’t trust anyone anymore. There’s no way to escape the pain your favorite person (the person you love) caused you by betraying you and investing in someone else instead of you.
But what you can do is follow the rules of no contact and shut unnecessary information out of your life. Delete your ex’s number, unfollow your ex, throw away gifts from your ex, get your stuff back, and ask your friends not to mention your ex anymore.
Your commitment to staying unaware of your ex’s life will spare you a ton of analyzing and emotional turmoil. You won’t instantly recover, but you will feel in control of your life more because you’ll avoid unnecessary information that no longer serves you.
It’s okay to be scared of being replaced and forgotten. It’s okay to be anxious and struggle to love yourself at times. Your fears are perfectly reasonable and indicate that you invested a lot of time and feelings in your ex. You hoped your ex would stay committed to you and value you as much as you valued him or her.
What’s not okay, however, is to let your anxiety control you and make you contact your ex or your ex’s new partner.
Whether your ex’s new partner knew about you, learned about you after the branching, or still has no clue about your existence, don’t try to meddle with their relationship. The new person probably won’t listen to you even if you tell him or her what happened. Many people don’t because they’re in love and don’t want to fall out of love.
Even if you break them up and have your revenge, your ex won’t like you more because of it. On the contrary, he or she will despise you (more) and may even get a restraining order against you. There’s no telling what will happen–but one thing’s for certain. Your ex will ignore or block you and make your life difficult as a result.
I get that you’re in pain and want your ex to see your worth and take you back, but don’t think that you can manipulate your ex’s feelings when your ex is already dating someone else. Your ex’s relationship must first go through the infatuation stage and fail. When it’s failed, you might receive a text or call from your ex, asking you to get back together.
Time is on your side. The more time and space your ex has, the bigger the chance that your ex will repeat the same mistakes, get in trouble, break up, reflect, and want you back. There’s no guarantee that your ex will choose you when things go awry, of course, but the chance of your ex wanting you back when you beg and display other unattractive behaviors is extremely low.
It’s much more likely that your ex will lose whatever respect he or she has left for you and want you out of his or her life.
They won’t have a fairytale-like relationship
Even though it seems like they’re a match made in heaven, bear in mind that they’re far from it. They started a relationship on cheating terms and will one day face the consequences of their actions (their karma). If your ex hasn’t told the new person about cheating, your ex will keep hiding cheating from the new person and may even feel guilty for years to come.
However, if your ex’s new partner is aware of the cheating and branching, the new person could have a hard time trusting your ex. He or she could fear that he or she will get cheated on and abandoned too. Many couples develop trust issues.
Especially those who have been cheated on before and understand how it feels to be betrayed.
For your ex not to care about cheating, your ex would have to have no morals. He or she would have to be an impulsive person who doesn’t deserve a moment of your time, let alone a relationship. But if your ex has no conscience, what’s the point of taking the rejection to heart and wanting your ex back?
Someone so emotion-driven and immoral doesn’t decide your worth as a person. He or she decides his or hers.
Whatever your ex feels and does doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that you disconnect from your ex and prevent your ex’s actions and inactions from hurting your self-esteem and bringing you down.
You must convince yourself that your ex’s new life is an illusion and that it won’t always be so rosy. When they stop feeling infatuated and get to know each other, they’ll slow down, stop posting so frequently, revert to their usual selves, and put their relationship to the test.
Their relationship won’t look any different from other romantic relationships. It won’t be as self-maintained as it is right now. Eventually, they’ll encounter relationship problems and be forced to deal with them like all other couples.
It probably doesn’t seem like they’ll ever experience any issues, but they may already have. You just don’t know about it because they’re keeping their issues private.
I encourage you to shift your focus away from your ex and direct it toward yourself. Think about productive things and people who are more deserving of your energy and time. They’ll help you forget about your ex whereas ex-thoughts will keep you obsessed with your ex and slow down your recovery process.
If you’re anxious and can’t stop thinking about your ex, by all means, talk to a friend or a therapist. They’ll help you vent and feel better. But if you’re not highly anxious or depressed, it’s better to keep yourself busy with other people and things. Distractions will give you strength and return your enthusiasm for life.
So if your ex left you for someone else and it hurts like hell, try not to take the abandonment and replacement too personally. Think of it as your ex not being grateful and satisfied with what he or she had. Your ex fell into the temptation of cheating and found someone better or different (at least in the short-term) and ditched you for that person without a care in the world.
It’s only a matter of time before your ex’s impulsive actions affect your ex’s conscience and/or relationship. When it does, you may hear from your ex and get a chance to say how you feel.
Having said that, here’s why your ex left you for someone else and hurt you so badly.
What should you do when your ex leaves you for someone else?
First of all, let’s talk about what you shouldn’t do if your ex left you for someone else. You shouldn’t contact your ex’s new partner or your ex’s family and friends. People unrelated to the breakup won’t listen to you or be able to convince your ex to leave the new person and choose you. On the contrary, they’ll tell your ex what you’re doing and make your ex dislike you even more.
Your intention to break them up will come across as desperate and malicious and cause your ex and the new person to band together against you. They’ll be even stronger and happier as a result of your intervention and spite because they’ll have a common “enemy” to fight against.
So instead of resisting the breakup and trying to get your ex to reconcile with you, give your ex and his or her new partner some space. Let them be happy and in love if they want to. Their happiness won’t last forever. Soon, they’ll get used to each other and understand they’re not very righteous.
They’ll realize they were selfish and ignored or hurt your feelings.
They’ll have to leave with the consequences of their actions and eventually encounter their own issues on top of it. Their issues will be a combination of your ex’s and the new person’s shortcomings. Some may resemble the disagreements or arguments you and your had, but others will be unique to their relationship dynamics and compatibilities.
You must wait for them to experience relationship difficulties they can’t resolve as a couple. When that happens, they’ll break up and feel victimized, sad, and nostalgic, depending on who broke up with who and how they process romantic separations. Don’t keep an eye on your ex’s social media posts, stay in touch with your ex, and wait for the chance to reach out.
You don’t need to reach out the moment your ex breaks up with the new person and feels unwanted emotions. You must be patient and wait for a message or call from your ex. When your ex reaches out and wants you back, you’ll know your ex has processed the separation and redeveloped feelings. You won’t have to do much if anything at all.
You especially won’t have to impress your ex and convince your ex to be with you. By the time your ex reaches out, your ex will already understand your worth and regret leaving. He or she will need you as much or more than you need him or her.
Your job as a dumpee is to lower your expectations and become happy without your ex. The happier you become, the stronger you’ll look to your ex and the more you’ll be able to help your ex feel better when he or she fails romantically and wants you back. Your happiness and strength will provide your ex a safe place to escape to.
So use this valuable post-breakup time to regain your independence and identity and improve your flaws.
Make some new friends and talk to some other dating prospects. You don’t have to date them (and shouldn’t) if you’re not ready, but seeing that others find you attractive will boost your self-esteem and help you pull yourself together quicker.
Get used to living without the dumper and make as many positive changes as possible. Personal changes won’t necessarily reattract your ex, but they will help you achieve two things.
- Make you look more valuable when your ex wants you back.
- Help you have a better relationship with the person you love.
Many dumpees think they must actively showcase changes and improvements on social media or directly inform their ex about the steps they’re taking to become the best versions of themselves. Such dumpees commit to self-improvement just to make their ex notice them, praise them, and want them back.
They don’t do it because it’s good for them and their future relationships. As a result, their dumper ex feels unheard and pressured to reconcile. He or she isn’t allowed to decide to come back on his or her own.
So no matter how hurt you are and how badly you want to change your ex’s perception and feelings, remember that your ex doesn’t want to be pursued and reminded of you. Your ex especially doesn’t want you around while he or she is dating the person he or she left you for. Your ex must return on his or her own because that’s the only way your ex will learn to respect you and value you.
While you’re waiting for things to go south in your ex’s new relationship, figure out if this is someone you even respect and want to be with. Is a cheater and a monkey-brancher truly the best person you can be with? Surely, you don’t genuinely believe that. You just feel that your ex is your soulmate (someone worth waiting for) because you’re hurt and having a hard time loving yourself.
Your opinion of your ex will change when you rebuild your self-esteem and see your ex for the person he or she is. It could take a while for that to happen, so keep working on yourself and giving your ex space. Eventually, you’ll realize you deserve better or get another chance with your ex.
Why do you think your ex left you for someone else? How did his/her betrayal make you feel and act? Post your breakup experience below the post.
And if you prefer to discuss things privately, reach out to us directly. We have years of experience helping dumpees and dumpers grow within, find closure, and reconcile.
My name is Zan, and I’m a writer and a breakup analyst. I write relationship and breakup articles and strive to strike a harmonious balance between empathy and realism. If you appreciate my content, feel free to leave a comment or support me by buying me a ko-fi.
