People on the internet often say that you should ignore your ex and show your ex what he or she lost by dumping you. They instruct their followers to ignore all reach-outs from their exes and act as if they’re completely over the breakup. Some even tell them to play jealousy games and trigger their ex’s fears and insecurities.
They don’t tell them that ignoring is super disrespectful and that it will likely annoy their ex and confirm their ex’s reasons for leaving.
People who advocate ignoring and other immoral behavior have self-esteem issues, low conscience, and very little relationship experience. They deal with difficult situations and unwanted emotions with their egos and tell others to do the same. Needless to say, they’re not ready (developed) for romantic relationships, let alone fit for relationship and breakup advice.
When it comes to relationships and breakups, listen to mentors, family, and friends with healthy behaviors and relationships, not those who resolve issues by force and have a poor record of long-lasting relationships.
Listen to those who can teach you a thing or two about relationships and inspire you to evolve. Such people will bring the best out of you whereas people who tell you to mistreat others for selfish gain will bring out the worst in you, get you in trouble, waste your time, get you in trouble, and force you to rewire your thinking and behavior later when you fail.
Although you should definitely stand up for yourself and project strength and confidence after the breakup, ignoring your ex won’t make your ex realize what a great person you are and what a mistake he or she has made by taking you for granted and letting you go. If anything, ignoring will show you’re bitter, immature, vengeful, and incapable of expressing your emotions like an emotionally mature adult.
Your ex will especially be disappointed by your ignoring behavior if you weren’t the most present, attentive, and caring partner toward the end of the relationship. He or she will likely think that you’ve gotten even worse after the breakup and that dumping you was the best decision ever.
How could your ex not think that way when you ignore your ex, show your ex you’re hurt and upset, and feel the need to hurt and upset your ex back?
Sure, you don’t think that your ex will feel bad for you and sympathize with you when you display such unsightly traits and behaviors.
If you think you’ll subjugate your ex and make him or her respect you when you act mean and disrespectful, you don’t know much about breakups at all. You still think you can manipulate your ex’s feelings and control the situation by force.
Unfortunately for you, you can’t do that. Now that you’re a dumpee (an ex who lacks power), your ex will oppose your anger, rudeness, and desperation to change things on your terms. Your ex will do it in a way that pushes you away forcefully and shows you who’s in charge.
When you pick a fight with a dumper (a person with power), he or she will fight back. Your ex will either accept the challenge and ignore you back when you want to talk or need a favor or lose remaining respect for you. Regardless of what happens, you’ll eventually have to face the consequences of your actions.
Don’t be surprised if your ex’s behavior toward you worsens and hurts your expectations and feelings.
So if you’re thinking about ignoring an ex with the intention of making a good impression on your ex and getting back with your ex, I strongly urge you not to do it. Don’t ignore your ex thinking that your ex will think about you and like you more when you ignore, block, and do mean things. Remember that your ex has no romantic expectations of you anymore and that he or she won’t interpret ignoring the way you do – as romantic rejection.
Your ex will consider it rude and immature behavior and feel tempted to respond similarly.
I can’t predict what your ex will do, but I can tell you that your ex won’t be impressed by it. And if your ex won’t be impressed by it, your ex also won’t get curious about you and want to reconnect on an emotional level.
I’m not saying you should entertain your ex’s breadcrumbs, talk for ages, and settle for friendship or friendship with benefits (that will make you feel used and delay your healing). But if it’s your ex’s first time reaching out (even if it’s about random things), communicate your boundaries and needs respectfully.
Tell your ex that you’re not ready for friendship and communication and that you’ll let him or her know when or if you are. No need to feel bad and apologize. You have every right not to converse with someone who lost feelings for you, dumped you, and thought you would continue to talk and be friends.
You especially don’t have to talk to your ex if your ex mistreated you. You can tell your ex you won’t tolerate his or her bad behavior and ask him or her not to contact you anymore. Ignore your ex (don’t respond) only if your ex refuses to leave you alone or threatens you and your family.
In that case, you should avoid using logic and reason on your unreasonable ex and cut your ex off immediately. Let your ex think about his or her words and behaviors while you focus on recovery.
In today’s post, we talk about whether you should ignore your ex after the breakup if you want your ex back or don’t want your ex back.
Should I ignore my ex if I was dumped and want my ex back?
If your ex doesn’t pose a threat to you or your loved ones, there’s no need to ignore your ex and hurt his or her ego and pride. Ignoring is for people who lack respect and the ability to converse when emotions run high. Such people believe ignoring is a perfectly acceptable method for protecting themselves from someone they dislike or can’t change.
In reality, ignoring is not okay. Not only does it irritate people, but it also makes you into a person who runs away from difficult situations and emotions. It wires your brain in such a way that running away from issues becomes instinctual.
As a dumpee, you should improve your emotional self-control, not worsen it. Every day you experience difficult emotions is an opportunity to mature and strive toward becoming the best version of yourself.
If you ignore your ex and justify it by telling yourself that your ex deserves it for dumping you and hurting you, you’ll ruin the relationship between you and your ex (or whatever is left of it) and make the same ignoring mistakes in your next relationship or breakup.
You can still do the right thing and avoid feeling guilty. You “just” have to be stronger than your emotions and deepen your understanding of right and wrong. Morally and behaviorally, people will respect you more if you don’t treat them badly and try to hurt them. This is common sense.
You won’t get your ex back by ignoring him or her. That will happen only if your ex broke up with you when he or she had no intention of leaving and only wanted to obtain power and control.
If this is a real breakup rather than a fakeup, you can expect your ex to perceive it as an attack and ignore or block you back. There’s no telling what your ex will think and do if you ignore his or her texts and calls. But one thing’s for certain; it won’t help your ex redevelop love. It will create more problems and resentment your ex will need to work through before he or she considers you a worthwhile person to invest time and feelings in.
So should you ignore your ex if you want your ex back? Absolutely not! Never ignore an ex you want to impress and be with. As a matter of fact, don’t ignore anyone. If you’re not happy with people, tell them you don’t want to communicate and that you feel you should get some space.
They may not like hearing it, but they need to. When they see how you think and feel, they’ll leave you alone and respect you more than if you ghost and ignore them.
Ignoring is simply not something mature people do. Mature people express their emotions and tell others what they need to hear. They do that even if they don’t want to hear it. They do it anyway because it’s the right thing to do.
You probably feel hurt and unwanted and want your ex to feel hurt for causing you so much pain. You want to take revenge, teach your ex not to mess with you, and force your ex to take accountability.
The problem though is that your ex won’t experience rejection and separation anxiety. He or she will interpret ignoring as bitterness and vengefulness and feel no need to apologize and get back together. If your ex is like most dumpers, your ex feels victimized and expects you to not talk about getting back together,
If your ex wanted you back, your ex would have expressed it already and given you no reasons to ignore him or her.
That said, here’s why you should not ignore your ex if you were dumped and want to get back together.
Should I ignore my ex if I was a dumper?
You may not love your ex and want to be around your ex anymore, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to ignore your ex whenever he or she reaches out. Ignoring will hurt your ex’s self-esteem and make your ex even hungrier for love, validation, and commitment. It will hurt, anger, and bring out the worst in your ex.
People (no matter which side of the breakup they’re on) hate being ignored. They hate that the person they have expectations of doesn’t care about them enough to respond. They just want to feel respected and be told not to reach out. It seems so simple to them, yet, their ex doesn’t take a moment of his or her time to say it to their face.
So no, you shouldn’t ignore the people you dump. You should talk to them about your post-breakup boundaries and make it easy for them to understand what to do and expect. If you tell them you want silence, chances are they will respect it and give you the space you’ve asked for.
They may also get emotional and break no contact at times, but try to be understanding of their anxiety and pain. Remember that they’re going through a lot and that a little bit of empathy and support could go a long way toward their healing.
I don’t want to scare you, but sometimes it’s a deciding factor between life and death. If you treat the dumpee poorly or ignore his or her depression and pain, your ex could cause harm to you, him/herself, or others. The chances may be small, but it does happen from time to time.
You may have heard that most murders are committed by partners and ex-partners. Their main motives are jealousy and vengeance. You don’t need to fear for your life, but you should keep in mind that people are capable of lots of things when they feel used, discarded, and miserable—and think they have nothing to lose.
Maybe your ex is a perfectly healthy individual and won’t cause any problems for you, but that doesn’t mean you should be okay with ignoring and other selfish behaviors. You should remember that your ex feels hurt (even if he or she doesn’t show it) and that your ex deserves answers even if you feel smothered, uncomfortable, and victimized.
Ignoring someone who has feelings for you is brutal. You wouldn’t want it to happen to you, so you shouldn’t do it to someone else either.
Find a healthy way to deal with your ex and difficult emotions
Healthy ways to deal with an ex who talks to you usually require impulse control, self-awareness, communication skills, and maturity. If you tell your ex you don’t want to communicate, at least your ex will respect you. He or she will consider you a decent ex and talk positively (or at least not negatively) about you.
You probably don’t care much about that (unless you have kids), but if you can do something about your ex’s perception of you, why not do it? Why not express yourself properly and show your ex you can handle difficulties maturely?
It doesn’t cost you anything, but a tiny bit of pride. A lot of pride is not good anyway.
So tell your ex (preferably in person) why you’ve decided to stop talking and by doing so, prevent your ex from coming to his or her own (unhealthy) conclusions. Let your ex see that you care about him or her as a person as well as your conscience and that you’ve done some work on yourself.
Showing your ex this side of you will encourage your ex not to take things personally and allow a quick, healthy, and pain-free separation. If you run away from anxiety and anger every time there’s an issue, you’ll refuse to acknowledge your fear of confrontation and fail to do anything about it.
You’ll hurt and anger your ex and probably do the same thing to the next person.
So use this opportunity to get to know yourself better and identify your triggers. Work on yourself so that you don’t get so hurt that hurting people back becomes your instinctual defense mechanism.
In conclusion, whether you want your ex back, be friends with your ex, or stop interacting with your ex, ignoring your ex isn’t the way to go about it. The right way to deal with unwanted situations and feelings is to talk about them. Make sure your ex understands you don’t want to talk and that you’ll contact him or her if you change your mind.
If you got dumped, your ex will probably leave you alone. Your ex won’t feel rejected and the need to keep conversing. If your ex doesn’t stop reaching out, you can always ask for space again and warn your ex you’ll block him or her the next time you receive an unsolicited text or call.
However, if you dumped your ex, then you need to take into account that your ex is going through a much more painful experience than you. Your ex is dealing with a loss of confidence, self-love, and hope for a brighter day and still emotionally depends on you. You have a moral responsibility to put your anger and immense need for space aside for a minute or two and help your ex when he or she is struggling.
You don’t need to be friends with your ex and talk to your ex for hours a day. You just need to show you care enough to respond until your ex finds his or her own strength to cope with the breakup. Tell your ex you still need space, but that you’re willing to talk if he or she is having a bad day.
And that’s it. The moral of the story is that your ex is a human being who expects and deserves a response. If you don’t want to respond to an ex who dumped you, all you have to do is say it. Make your ex see you’re focusing on yourself and that you want him or her to respect your boundaries.
What do you think about ignoring an ex after reading this article? Do you think you should ignore an ex who dumped you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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My name is Zan, and I’m a writer and a breakup analyst. I write relationship and breakup articles and strive to strike a harmonious balance between empathy and realism. If you appreciate my content, feel free to leave a comment or support me by buying me a ko-fi.